To my dearest daughter. Someday you will be able to read this and I pray that when you do you will know how deeply loved you are. I love and cherish your feisty demeanor, your endearing smile, your infections laugh and your uncanning ability to make friends wherever you go. I love your fearless nature and your ability to see and replicate. Your first time down a fireman’s pole at the playground was after watching another older child do it. Really, you taught yourself to swim. The other day you saw a kiddo swinging upside down and thought to yourself that looks fun, I think I’ll do that too. And you did.
I know that we often clash and engage in many ongoing battles over trivial matters like two bucks locking antlers in a futile attempt to draw the attention of a female doe. As my voice becomes more stern, your little body stands tall, eyes firm, ready for battle. At that moment, emotions are raging, both of us wanting to win and have the last say. I tell others that you are just like your daddy and that’s why we butt heads; when in reality you are me- strong, independent, with a false sense that you are never wrong. And for that, I love you, though I may not always show it.
I want to let you know that I’m sorry for those days I lost my temper, for those many times I demanded too much of you, my four year old. How can I expect you to ignore all the siren toys in your room, calling you to play instead of cleaning your room all by yourself. I’m sorry for the times I put my wants and needs before yours. For those times, you asked me to play and I didn’t. You are my ray of light. I should bask in your warmth and glow so much more.
Sarah, you are a wonderful girl. Your father and I are so blessed to be your parents. You do not realize it yet, but your little brother idolizes you. Please keep that in mind as you grow older and become a teenager. No crazy stuff please! Whatever you do Evan will follow suit. And baby David… he gets the biggest toothless, gummy grin when you are near. I love seeing you care for him, sing to him, play with him and protect him. You are going to make the most amazing mother. I can say this with the upmost confidence.
I am not a perfect mother. There is so much more I need to learn as well as change. I apologize now for my past mistakes and mistreatments as well as further misgivings. I thank you in advance for your forgiveness. “It’s alright mommy. I give [forgive] you. I love you.” Oh what joy those phrases bring to me. You are the light of my life and I promise that I will be the best mommy I can be. And when I falter, that means mess up, please love me, forgive me and hold my hand. Together, with daddy and brothers, we will navigate this thing called life. I love you bug.